Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Consider this your Christmas card since I didn’t get any sent out. It’s not because I’m too lazy - even though it IS a lot of work. First you have to buy the cards. Then you have to write the braggy Christmas letter lying about all the wonderful things your kids have done in the last year.
In 2009, Chris finally mastered the art of armpit farting while Drew learned every joke ever thought up concerning bodily functions. Lauren learned to sneer and look bored every time we asked her to do a household chore. She’s only eight, but already she’s acting like a teenager. See how advanced and wonderful my children are?
Then you have to take the Christmas picture while yelling cheerful holiday slogans to your children to coax just the right smiles.
“Chris stop giving Lauren horns.”
“I don’t care if they’re reindeer antlers and not horns, we’re still not using that for our Christmas picture.”
“Drew, stop yelling Fa La La La in your brother’s ears.”
“I know it’s from a Christmas song but hearing it at THAT decibel is not making anyone feel festive.”
After ten hours of photo-shopping, you finally get a good picture to send out. And you’re still not done with the holiday card. You have to address them and stamp them. And don’t get me started on the paper cuts and yecky gummy taste from sealing all those cards.
But that’s not why I failed to get the Christmas cards out in the mail. Nope, that’s not it at all. It’s because I care about the toll on the environment from all the paper that went into making the cards and the fossil fuels used in delivering them.
I’m going green. Yeah, that’s it.