Sunday, March 28, 2010

We Survived

Just got back from a week-long trip to Florida with the kids.  We survived the alligators, the heat, the out-of-control drivers and we made it 32 hours in the car without any of the kids killing each other.  (There was that one close call when a war broke out over a stuffed animal midway through South Carolina, but there wasn't any blood, so it doesn't count.)  The fact that all of us are still intact can mean only one thing - we're GOOD parents!

Here are some pictures of our adventure.

Here we are at Animal Kingdom on a safari tour minutes before an antelope parked its butt on the roadway causing the whole thing to shut down until the animal decided to move.  Don't all the safari animals know they work for Disney, not the other way around?

Here the boys are "sharing" Mickey's Sorcerer hat at Disney Hollywood.  This is five minutes before the fight broke out about who got to take the hat home.  Just kidding!

Here we are waiting 45 minutes for a two-minute ride.

If we squeeze together tightly enough, maybe we won't be cold.

Grandma and Grandpa even joined in on the fun for one day.  That was all the "magic" they could take.

The boys tried on hats from every country in Epcot.

And last but not least---

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Happy 11th Birthday Drew!

It’s been a great year watching you grow and mature, each day taking a step closer to becoming the man you will one day be.

This year I got to take you (and just you) with me to Maine to visit my friend, Nancy. It was so much fun watching you tubing, swimming and building castles on the beach. When Nancy mentioned a lobster bake with burgers for the kids who didn’t like lobster, you almost rioted until you learned you could eat the lobster too if you wanted to.

“Why would anyone pick a hamburger over lobster on the beach?” You asked me, clearly puzzled by such bizarre behavior.

During our wait at the airport, I enjoyed your detailed explanation of a book you’d recently read called the Lightening Thief. You encouraged me to read it too and when I did, you were all too eager to include me in your imaginary world.

Your ability to create pretend worlds and live within them overwhelms me sometimes. Dad just bought you the Dungeons and Dragons game and all I hear now are commands about the Dreck Elf fighting the Kobold Slinger with his arc power. Okay, I know I got that all wrong, but I just cannot keep up with all the details you so easily keep separated in your brain.

Besides being imaginative, you’re also inquisitive. We’ve taken you to church since you were little and you’ve always been the one to most challenge the minister with your deep thoughts. If God made the world, who made God? What kind of material would one use to build an arc big enough to house animals from the entire world? If God’s so nice, why did he flood the world and kill almost all the people?

Recently your questions became deeper and showed a more mature understanding of our faith and the power of God. I was so proud when you were baptized in January, but I’ve been even prouder of you since. You’ve made a real effort to incorporate your faith and moral behavior into everyday life. You’re kind to the kid at school who endures teasing from almost everyone else in the class. You let your brother play with your Star Wars lego plane even though you spent two days building it and there was a real possibility Chris would break it. And you pray every day for your brother and sister to understand Christ’s salvation and want to be baptized too.

I am so blessed to be your mother. I don’t always speak your language. I may never know what a Kobold Slinger is. I might not know what tree grows in the forest of Zandera. But even though I’m sometimes a foreigner in the World of Drew, I love that you invite me in and try to show me that trees can turn into elves if you’re smart enough to see the pattern in the bark.

Hanging out in Maine.

You found this sign in Tampa and
instantly took ownership.
Baptism Day - before and after.

Ready to "annihilate" your pumpkin.

Trying to drown out the noise of our terrible singing at your birthday party.

Friday, March 5, 2010

The Joy of Working Out

The boys turned eleven yesterday and I will be posting their birthday tributes soon.  Right now I'm getting ready for company so I only have time to share this with you.  Someone sent it to me last week because I teach aerobics.  Enjoy!


Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my husband purchased for me a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.



Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes,
and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.
This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!



I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile.. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.



The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would
help me get in shape and enjoy life.. He said some other shit too.



Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes. He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.



I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich..

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?



Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..



I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!