Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Out of the Mouths of Babes

I have three good morsels to share.

First, this was from Lauren:

I took the kids to my nephew's eighth grade graduation tonight which ended up being a full Catholic Mass.  As communion started, she leaned over to me and whispered very loudly. "I like the Baptist church better because we don't all have to share the same cup."

The next one was from Drew:

Lately the kids have been pushing the limits and I've had to remind them who the parent is in this relationship.  Tonight we were having a discussion about how our family is not a democracy.

"Don't I get a vote at all?" Drew asked.

"Sure you do.  Mine just counts a whole lot more," I said and my dad who was sitting nearby added,  "A kid's vote counts for one and a parent's vote counts for a hundred."

Drew's response?  "Well then, you just need to have a lot more kids."

A final one courtesy of Chris.
Our school ends really late this year (June 10) because of all the snow days.  Another local school got out yesterday much to my kids' dismay.

"Mom, if we went to Lawrenceburg we'd be on summer break," Chris pointed out tonight.

"Yeah, so?"  I asked.

"Can we transfer to Lawrenceburg until June 10?"

Monday, May 17, 2010

The Best Birthday Present Ever

Okay, probably not. 

My nephew Joe just turned 14.  For his birthday, I gave him a spade and a bottle of water along with this note.


Congratulations! Someone very intelligent and generous has purchased this one-of-a-kind gift for you.

Have you longed for years for your very own fish pond? Do you watch your neighbors in envy as the pull fish after fish from their ponds? Have the thousands of dollars in excavating fees kept you from having your own dream pond?

Well, dream no more. With this “do-it-yourself pond” kit, you too can realize your dream. Just follow these easy instructions and soon you’ll be eating the fresh fish you’re sure to catch.


Use spade to dig a very, very, big hole. Approximate digging time = 63 months. Digging time will vary depending on whether you dig without complaint or whether you’re one of those whiney sissy babies who starts complaining when your fingers fall off after 23 straight days of digging.


Pour water into hole. Water supplied is not enough for a typical sized pond. To purchase additional bottles of water, log on to’ Bottles are a mere $2.95 each. (Suggested purchase for a normal size pond would be approximately 3 million bottles.)


**Additional kits can be purchased for the low price of $19.95 plus shipping of $53.00. Tell your friends. Tell your family. No one should have to live a life without their very own dream pond.

I haven't seen my nephew digging yet.  Maybe he's waiting for me to help so I don't miss all the fun.