Monday, May 17, 2010

The Best Birthday Present Ever

Okay, probably not. 

My nephew Joe just turned 14.  For his birthday, I gave him a spade and a bottle of water along with this note.


Congratulations! Someone very intelligent and generous has purchased this one-of-a-kind gift for you.

Have you longed for years for your very own fish pond? Do you watch your neighbors in envy as the pull fish after fish from their ponds? Have the thousands of dollars in excavating fees kept you from having your own dream pond?

Well, dream no more. With this “do-it-yourself pond” kit, you too can realize your dream. Just follow these easy instructions and soon you’ll be eating the fresh fish you’re sure to catch.


Use spade to dig a very, very, big hole. Approximate digging time = 63 months. Digging time will vary depending on whether you dig without complaint or whether you’re one of those whiney sissy babies who starts complaining when your fingers fall off after 23 straight days of digging.


Pour water into hole. Water supplied is not enough for a typical sized pond. To purchase additional bottles of water, log on to’ Bottles are a mere $2.95 each. (Suggested purchase for a normal size pond would be approximately 3 million bottles.)


**Additional kits can be purchased for the low price of $19.95 plus shipping of $53.00. Tell your friends. Tell your family. No one should have to live a life without their very own dream pond.

I haven't seen my nephew digging yet.  Maybe he's waiting for me to help so I don't miss all the fun.

1 comment:

  1. You say you haven't seen your nephew digging yet. You probably won't see him at all. He probably wanted an I-Pad, not a lily pad.