ME: Hey kids, let’s get our snow clothes on and go outside to play.
KIDS: Sounds like fun.
9:50 – 10:00 a.m.
LAUREN: Mom where are my gloves? Can you help me with my snow pants? I can’t get my boots zipped tight enough.
DREW:: Chris is wearing my boots. Make him take them off.
CHRIS: It’s the only pair of boots that fit.
ME: Didn’t you tell me in October that you had boots that fit.
DREW: He never tried them on. He was playing Pokemon and he didn’t want to save.
ME: Chris, give your brother back his boots.
CHRIS: (Insert lots of whiney complaining about how Mom just doesn’t understand how if you don’t save during a battle you’ll lose your Ompah Lumpas or some such Pokemon nonsense)….
10 a.m.-10:20 a.m.
ME: Give your brother back his boots now or else… (Insert lots of mom threats like – or else you’ll be scrubbing grout all day and you’ll have to scour the stove and clean out the cat’s litter box and scrub the entire earth.)
CHRIS: Here’s your stupid boots. (via air mail).
ME: Just get your snow clothes on so we can have a fun family moment sledding. (Teeth gritted)
DREW: Mom, Lauren’s wearing my snow pants.
LAUREN: No wonder they were so big. Mom, can you help me unzip the pants, take off the boots, remove my gloves and start the process all over again.
CHRIS: Mom, I don’t have any boots.
ME: Wear mine.
CHRIS: They’re girl boots.
ME: (glaring). Put on the boots.
ALL KIDS: Mom, can you get these gloves on? Tie my boots? Zip my snow suit?
ME: Lauren, put on a hat.
LAUREN: I don’t want a hat. They’re itchy.
ME: Your head will get cold.
LAUREN: No, it won’t. I’ll just put up my hood.
ME: (ten minutes of patient explaining as to why a hood isn’t warm enough followed by me giving up.) Okay, go out without a hat then.
Our feet finally hit snow after forty minutes of getting dressed.
(yep, one minute later)
LAUREN: Mom, my head’s cold.
ME: Get a hat.
LAUREN: But hats are itchy.
DREW: Can we go sled riding?
10:31 – 10:36 a.m.
Fun sled riding with children.
10:37 a.m. DREW: Mom, my face is cold.
CHRIS: Here. (throwing snow in brother’s face as if a face full of frozen water is just what he needs to get warm.)
LAUREN: My head’s cold.
CHRIS: Here (repeating the snow throwing process at his sister.)
ME: Okay, I’ll fix it. (Me throwing snow in Chris’s face.) There, now you're both even.
KIDS: We’re going in.
ME: Wasn’t that a fun morning of sled riding?
KIDS: (glaring and giving me the kind of look I didn’t think kids got until they were teenagers)
10:36 a.m.- 11:00 a.m.
(inside removing all snow clothes).
(mopping up mud and melted snow )