Monday, December 13, 2010

Sled Riding with the Kids

                                                              9:50 a.m.

ME: Hey kids, let’s get our snow clothes on and go outside to play.

KIDS: Sounds like fun.

                                                         9:50 – 10:00 a.m.

LAUREN:   Mom where are my gloves? Can you help me with my snow pants? I can’t get my boots zipped tight enough.

DREW:: Chris is wearing my boots. Make him take them off.

CHRIS: It’s the only pair of boots that fit.

ME: Didn’t you tell me in October that you had boots that fit.


DREW: He never tried them on. He was playing Pokemon and he didn’t want to save.

ME: Chris, give your brother back his boots.

CHRIS: (Insert lots of whiney complaining about how Mom just doesn’t understand how if you don’t save during a battle you’ll lose your Ompah Lumpas or some such Pokemon nonsense)….

                                                          10 a.m.-10:20 a.m.

ME: Give your brother back his boots now or else… (Insert lots of mom threats like – or else you’ll be scrubbing grout all day and you’ll have to scour the stove and clean out the cat’s litter box and scrub the entire earth.)

CHRIS: Here’s your stupid boots. (via air mail).

ME: Just get your snow clothes on so we can have a fun family moment sledding. (Teeth gritted)

DREW: Mom, Lauren’s wearing my snow pants.

LAUREN: No wonder they were so big. Mom, can you help me unzip the pants, take off the boots, remove my gloves and start the process all over again.

CHRIS: Mom, I don’t have any boots.

ME: Wear mine.

CHRIS: They’re girl boots.

ME: (glaring). Put on the boots.

ALL KIDS: Mom, can you get these gloves on? Tie my boots? Zip my snow suit?

                                                           10:20-10:30 a.m.

ME: Lauren, put on a hat.

LAUREN: I don’t want a hat. They’re itchy.

ME: Your head will get cold.

LAUREN: No, it won’t. I’ll just put up my hood.

ME: (ten minutes of patient explaining as to why a hood isn’t warm enough followed by me giving up.) Okay, go out without a hat then.

                                                                   10:30 a.m.
Our feet finally hit snow after forty minutes of getting dressed.

                                                                   10:31 a.m.
(yep, one minute later)

LAUREN: Mom, my head’s cold.

ME: Get a hat.

LAUREN: But hats are itchy.

DREW: Can we go sled riding?

                                                         10:31 – 10:36 a.m.

Fun sled riding with children.

                                                                      10:37 a.m.
DREW: Mom, my face is cold.

CHRIS: Here. (throwing snow in brother’s face as if a face full of frozen water is just what he needs to get warm.)

DREW: Mom!

LAUREN: My head’s cold.

CHRIS: Here (repeating the snow throwing process at his sister.)


ME: Okay, I’ll fix it. (Me throwing snow in Chris’s face.) There, now you're both even.

KIDS: We’re going in.

ME: Wasn’t that a fun morning of sled riding?

KIDS: (glaring and giving me the kind of look I didn’t think kids got until they were teenagers)

                                                  10:36 a.m.- 11:00 a.m.
(inside removing all snow clothes).

                                                   11:00-11:30 a.m.
(mopping up mud and melted snow )

                                                             11:34 a.m.

KIDS: Hey Mom, wanna go sled riding again?

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