Femur = Female?!

The kids and I took the dog to the vet yesterday. I have no idea why I booked the appointment when the kids would be home from school. It certainly made the visit more chaotic when I was joined by “He’s touching me” “He’s tickling me” and “She’s talking too loud.”


As soon as “He’s touching me” and “She’s talking too loud” – that would be the boys – got into the examination room, they immediately spotted a diagram showing the anatomy of a male and female cat.

“How can you tell the boy from the girl?” Chris immediately asked his brother. (Because Drew is one minute older, he’s apparently the expert on such things.)

Drew started giggling as soon as he spotted the labels on the diagram. Apparently seeing the “P” word at the vet’s office is the height of humor for a ten-year-old boy. Lauren, on the other hand, was playing with the dog and asking me in a horrified voice, “Do you think people can hear them?”

Probably so, but I’d forgotten to pack the muzzles.

Drew proudly pointed to the “P” word so his brother could share in the hilarity. “See, Chris. The boy cat has a boy part. And the girl has a…um…”

Drew stared at the girl picture searching for the right part. I’ve always used the anatomically correct word for these things and since we have a girl in the household, I knew he’d heard the “V” word before. So imagine my surprise when he pointed to the picture and proudly told his brother, “And the girl cat has a femur.”

Kind of sounds female, doesn’t it?

“Actually, the boy has a femur too. It’s a bone,” I pointed out while Lauren rolled her eyes and asked, “Is the vet EVER gonna come in and look at the dog? And by the way, was it really necessary for me to have TWO brothers and not even one sister? Kind of seems unfair, doesn’t it?”

Then the boys saw the real girl parts on the diagram and started a long discussion about the uterus and how glad they were they didn’t have one of those. Which is what they were talking about (loudly I might add) when the vet came in.

“How’s the dog doing?” The vet asked.

Like he was getting off that easy.

“Fine.” Drew pointed to the wall. “Do you realize you have a picture of a cat’s boy part on your wall?”

Which is why I now need a new vet.